DEAR WOMAN …

 

Ladies, let’s be honest! How many of you have lost your crown and self love because of a man? Because you loved him that much that you thought you have to change yourself to fit into his life?

Have you ever consider that changing yourself to like you is not worth it?

I was in this situation a few times before! It was the time when I wasn’t honest with myself and hadn’t a very positive relationship with myself either. It was time a few years ago when I was going through lots of life changes. Time was tough, I was surrounded with so many negative people around me and literally missed the support who would tell me: ‘’That’s enough Marketa! He’s not worth it because you are good already. Actually you are better than him!’’

Well, I went through lots of situations in my life when I thought somebody has to save me. But life has showed me that nobody will do that for me, but ME! 🙂

I had a few ‘’boyfriends’’ who I thought I loved. Now I know Love is about something completely different and to Love somebody doesn’t mean that you have to change yourself. At that time, to make them to love me, I lost my voice – meaning my inner voice, I lost my opinions. Literally I lost myself. I would do anything for them! If I knew about a girl who he liked before me, I tried to be like her and made myself completely foolish. Which I did not see at that time. I knew something is wrong, and it shouldn’t be that way. I just did not know what it was and how to change it.

Actually, I always tried to change somebody. Mainly myself, sometimes them. I was lying to myself that maybe they need a time. Maybe if I’ll let them to treat me in the way they do, eventually they’ll start like me. The truth is, they never did.

What actually happened after that, I lost a relationship with myself. I did not have any positive outlook on myself in so many years! I always thought what’s wrong with me? What do I do so wrong that’s so difficult to love me in the way I am? I always found so many little things why it’s not worth to like me.

After couple of years and a really good therapist who I am so grateful for! I finally find out how to keep my crown on my head 🙂

I was raised to be an independent strong woman. I was raised in a way that if I do have dreams I should follow them no matter what. Unless it doesn’t make any harm to anyone else. If I do want to travel the world, just do it! Finally I do have options which my grandparents did not have, why not to join it? I was raised in a way that I always have to make sure I am an independent woman who can live without a man, as long as I am happy and positive with myself.

So what actually has happened that I completely forgot all those meaningful advices? I lost two people who were so close to me. After that, my whole family literally felt apart and I was blamed for everything. Unfortunately at that time, I trusted those words and thought, maybe it’s really me who’s the one to blame. I was so desperate for love, for somebody to love me that I would do anything. The biggest mistake was, I always tried to find it in somebody else, but not me.

I went from a bad guy to worst and even worst until I reached my bottom and went through the hell! What I found so difficult was to forgive myself that I let this to happen. Because in the end of the day, I couldn’t blame for this anyone else, but only me. It was very difficult to face all those facts, to be honest with myself and in front of a complete stranger who was trying to help me to understand myself.

Finally I know why it never worked out. I was raised to be a strong woman and let’s be honest, men don’t like it. Now I know, I can’t change myself. Because I actually don’t want to keep changing myself for somebody else to like me. It’s not worth it and mainly, he’s not worth it. I am who I am because the way I was raised, because of all my life experiences. I met so many important people in my life who eventually helped me to be a woman I am now. That’s something what can’t be changed and forgotten.

My advice to you: If you’ll be in a situation in your life when you’ll feel like you have to change yourself because you are not good enough, it’s not you who has to change,  it’s him who you have to change! I don’t mean to change him to behave in a different way, I mean to change a man you are with. Doesn’t matter if you are in your early twenties or in early fifties. If you’ll find yourself in a situation when you think one of his exes/female friend/crush is better than you… Don’t copy her! Because then it’s you who’s making a fool from herself. It’s you who he’s going to laugh at because he knows you lost your self-confidence. And it’s not worth it. In the end of the day, it’s you who’s going to look at yourself in the mirror and wonder: ‘’Why her and not me? What she’s got that I’m missing?’’

Be the woman you already are! Beautiful, strong and interesting for reasons which makes you different from others. Don’t change yourself for somebody else. If a man makes you feel less prettier, less interesting, or makes you feel like there are other women who he’d prefer more, he’s not worth it!

What’s worth of considering is YOU <3

   Marketa xx
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